A Fancy Night Out

12/5/14 - Being in a long term relationship is an interesting experience to say the very least. They all sorta go through the same steps around the same times and follow a very familiar pattern. That's why I like to throw a game changing and life altering curve ball of dynamite in there every once in awhile and see how things shake out on the other side. Keeps it fun. Moving a country bumpkin from the Mennonite fields of Uniontown to the "big" city of Cleveland seems like something out of a bad remake of Green Acres written by one of the guys from "Soul Plane"... Cedric the Entertainer just woke up for reasons he doesn't understand feeling good about a wet dream he just had. See he's in a lot of bad remakes... and sequels... and movies... Anyways, other than her still working in Green 3-4 days a week after a stint of working 5-7 days a week in Medina, getting her hair done twice a month in Akron, visiting our families twice a month in Stark county, spending birthdays and holidays in the Canton area, and generally being disappointed in Christmas because we can't have 7 live trees in our house because we live in a half a duplex... she does lay her head down every night with me in Cleveland. She goes to the Cleveland Flea every chance she gets. She grabs Brewnuts whenever she wakes up in time on the weekends. She joined a gym up here in our neighborhood. She's gone to countless Cleveland sporting events with me. She shops at the West Side market and even Christmas shopped at Tower City. She eats out with me at Cleveland restaurants and shops at the little boutiques in our neighborhood. She invites everyone to come up and have fun with us in the big city even though few take us up on the offer. The point here is that she took an obvious bad situation for her and continues to try to make the best of it. She participates... and that makes me happy!

So when our 2 year anniversary rolled around I decided to do 3 wonderful things to show her how much I love her and how thankful I am that she doesn't bitch and complain about Cleveland every minute of everyday. One was to show her something fun and new. The second was to fulfill a weird need that she had deep in her soul. The third was to get her jewelry... I mean duh right.

Something Fun and New

Once we were ready, I had Uber pick us up and bring us to the Velvet Tango Room, Cleveland's most hip, stylish, and lavish bar... but to call it a "bar" is sort of a slap in the face. "Speakeasy" maybe? It's certainly a throwback to a better time. It has a club feel like you have to pay a monthly fee and wear its crest on your jacket in order to get in. It's not snooty though... it's deserving of respect.

When we walk in to this somewhat nondescript building in Duck Island, I didn't know what to expect really. I had heard stories of $18 drink minimums and dress codes and secret invitation only back rooms but had never really had a chance to feel like I was ready to enter until now. We were dressed nice and ready to have fun no matter what the cost though... well to a point. We took a deep breath and walked in. The bar area was very very nice and the table area was great too with it's living room setting on the one side. There was a cheese and bread plate and a Jazz duo playing in the back. Patrons varied in age and look but there were no bar bro's or shot skanks.

Your initial feelings of sticking out like a sore white trash thumb slowly faded away as the staff started to interact with us. Everyone working that night was polite and made it very clear that they were there to make sure we got the best drink and had a wonderful time. We had no doubt in our minds that they were looking out for us. We felt as if they were willing to throw an $18 cocktail down the sink and make us a new one, if we were even slightly dissatisfied. It was actually a pretty amazing feeling... especially after the whole Merwin's Wharf fiasco.

They have a large specialty cocktail menu with wine and liquors but no worries about trying to narrow it all down because the wait staff is there to help narrow it down for you. "Oh you like this basic drink? I can recommend these 2 which are similar but way better." That was similar to the conversation that our waitress had with Gina. She ended up getting a very tasty gin drink that I think had the word "lady" in it. I on the other hand needed no such help picking a drink. See every year just after Thanksgiving, a dormant part of my brain wakes up from it's drunkin' 11 month slumber to remind me, much to my surprise every frickin' year, that I love eggnog and it's time to go get some! This was the night that part of my brain woke up. "Oh shit I forgot how much I love eggnog!"... was exactly what I said. Oh and thank God that I did because this was homemade, honest to God, slap your mother eggnog. So good...

Gina and I enjoyed our drinks and had some complimentary cheese and crackers. We listened to the jazz band play and small talked while we took it all in. The senses were all getting just the right amount of attention. Nothing was too loud or bright or anything... all of the pieces fit together perfectly. It was like a spa day for the casual drinker with high end taste...

Then, once we were finished... THE BILL CAME. It was a celebration so I was OK with whatever came with it. It was what you had to do to have an enjoyable night especially when you only see each other fleetingly during the week. The most I've ever paid for a drink was for a $12 Red Bull and Vodka at a Casino in Windsor. No, it did not "give me wings". Think more of the scene from Deuce Bigalow where Norm MacDonald was the bartender. Anyways, yes the cocktails there are $18 to start BUT we somehow lucked out and showed up during Happy Hour where --- wait for it --- all drinks were 50% off!!! Holy shit! Celebrate good times come on!!! Here's the thing though... For the experience, I would have paid $18 for not only that drink but the cheese and crackers, the music, the ambiance, the comfort, the service, and the fact that there is a place like this in Cleveland where you don't have to be a member to get in. Anyone, even 2 schleps like us, can go in, order a delicious drink, and be treated like royalty.

There's a reason why this is the best bar in the city...

Fulfill a Weird Need Deep in Her Soul... Well Stomach.

For months, every time we make plans, Gina floats the idea of going Downtown to Red, the Steakhouse. For months, I've had to deflect these urges of hers. Why? Because A) It's not a grab some food on the go kinda place. It's the swanky new steakhouse in town. It's a get dressed up (OK, Ohio dressed up), invest your time, order appetizers, and ingest a steak that will put you into an erotic meat coma for the rest of the night. Oh and B) I needed to make sure that this was going to be her first time there... and it was a surprise... and she guessed it on the 2nd try while we were sitting at the VTR (Velvet Tango Room)... and I lied and said she was wrong. HA!

Red's is at the south end of East 4th Street which, if you can't be on it, is an awesome location. Lots of foot traffic, close to Gateway for the stadium crowd (and the RNC folks), close to the Casino for the gamblers, oh and right across the street from where the nuCLEus project is going up. They have a rooftop bar! That's like having a convertible version of your favorite sports car in this city. Their colors are red and black and if you knew me in the early 90's, go Falcons!... but only because of their colors and Deion Sanders. 

It had been a long time since I was at a proper steakhouse so I was practically drooling in Uber on the way there. I was like a large dog in any movie, just slobbering out the window on cars behind us. You know the Steak is gonna be good too, obviously, or it would be called like a "Salad Wedge" house or a "Soup and Bread sticks" house. I will admit though, in addition to a delicious steak, the appetizers and sides were not only large but the portion size was ridiculous! I got the shrimp which could have been prawns or fat american shrimp from Nebraska but they were huge. Oh and don't let the picture fool you, I ate about 4 before Gina had the idea to take a pic of some food porn. Gina got the 1/2 dozen raw oysters and was as amazed as I was to see how big they were! Now I can't say much for me but this girl gets oysters anywhere she can find them and in her 29 years on this earth she hadn't seen any that big. I know this because she said it like 18 times. Needless to say both apps were tasty and almost too filling. I recommend getting one to share unless you're ready to rock and roll like I was. Oh steakhouses, how I've missed you so.

Our next course was the main event and it didn't disappoint. The steaks came out perfectly cooked and seasoned and tasted great with A1!... HaHa just kidding... about the A1. These steaks were good. My bone in rib eye special, as you can see in the picture, was the size of a small Italian sedan and Gina's filet was not very wide but was twice as thick as mine.  As for the sides, the seasoned fries were very good and there were a lot of them. Think Greenhouse seasoning but not as garlic-y. The underdog winner of most surprisingly good food was the creamed spinach! This stuff was wonderful and easily the best I've ever had... which is out of like eating it 4-5 times in my life but don't let that sway you. It was good there at the table and good warmed up the next night on some chicken breast. Who knew? This course overall was impressive and flavorful. I sometimes make the mistake of thinking the bigger, the better with steak but Gina's packed just as much flavor, if not more, than mine did. I make the same recommendation with the sides as I do with the apps. Get one and share. They are big.

The cute little end to the meal that really put an exclamation point on the whole night was the free dessert and the "Happy Anniversary" that was written on the plate in chocolate. I can't say enough about our waiter who walked us through our orders and recommended some delicious food. He was attentive and friendly even though the place was full on a Friday night. Gina made sure everyone knew it too on the way out because he deserved the recognition. If the rest of their wait staff is half as good as he was, this place will be in good hands for a long time. Bravo to them and to Red the Steakhouse! It was a wonderful experience and all their acclaim is well deserved.

Get Her Jewelry

Thanks Avalon Jewelers! Don't buy jewelry from anyone before you check out Avalon first. I go to the one in Parma on Pearl Road and they are so nice and helpful. Click the pic to see a closer view of the necklace.

Happy Anniversary Honey...

Oh Cleveland, thanks for having awesome places to go. Goooooooooood night now! Hearts and thoughts they fade... fade away...

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