Holiday Lights Trolley Ride

I went on a Holiday Lights Trolley Ride through ole Cle-town with these 3 drunkin' elves:

Our point of origin was JUKEBOX where we got free chili, a to-go brew cup with straw, and a Santa hat! Drinking beer from a straw like I was forced to go to church in college sounded fun. To be festive I made my beer of choice Great Lakes Christmas Ale which I had to open a Christmas gift to get at...a gift I was giving someone else...this is the 3rd time I've done this this month. Since I didn't have to drive I figured why the hell not! We all got situated and listened to the best Jukebox in the city until it was time to go. I really, really like this bar. All the things that a bar should be are here with none of the gimmicky fluff. Good tunes. Good brews. Good service. Good people. Good times. A perfect place to start this adventure!

Stop #1 - A Christmas Story House: 

Even though we practically live down the street, we've only ever driven past the A Christmas Story House. It was everything I remembered from the movie, leg lamp and all. They even changed the interior of the house to reflect what you'd see if the movie was actually filmed inside. Thank God there are people out there creative enough (and rich enough) to do such wonderful things all because of a movie they loved when they were younger. I wish the neighborhood was a little less run down when it's dark out tho. I mean it's not bad but those houses are in a historical neighborhood which is rich people slang for how you'd describe grandpa before you put him in a lower middle ranked nursing home. It is a great tourist destination for the neighborhood and city tho and A Christmas Story Run 5k/10k benefits the neighborhood revitalization efforts. I will always be happy to have this piece of Christmassy Hollywood right here in Cleveland.

Stop #2 - The Horseshoe Casino...Higbee's:

Here's a stock photo of what some of the lights look like since I didn't have time to take pictures because I WON $250!...which instantly went to a Christmas gift for Gina. Yes, folks that's right. I'll never be rich. Anyway it was a fun stop and Gina took great pictures I heard. I was too busy being happy and strut walking like a champ!

Stop #3 - Playhouse Square

	This is my favorite place in the city. As I may or may not have said before, it's like Cleveland's version of Disneyland and Vegas all rolled into one in the winter. It reminds me that this city is beautiful and grown up. It shows what happens if you really care about the arts and classic architecture. I could have stood there in a drunk awe all night. I can only hope that this kind of stuff spreads to other neighborhoods. It's certainly worth visiting Cleveland just to see it. I'd say more but I talk about how awesome this area is like every 2 posts.

Stop #4: The Euclid Beach Park Carousel at the Western Reserve Historical Society

So ya, another stock photo because we didn't really stop at this one. We just kinda drove by which was a bummer because it's beautiful! From what we could see they did an excellent job with the whole restoration and building. I definitely want to stop there and check it out soon. 

And yes, I was much to drunk to take a photo from a moving bus and have a conversation about whatever I was talking about. That's what the internets are for.

Stop #5: Nela Park (pronounced N-el-a like when hillbillies say "yellow", Kerry!) in "beautiful" East Cleveland, Ohio

So NELA Park is really a beautiful light setup that I'm going to guess most of you won't risk it to go see (which is understandable) but you are missing out. I actually didn't know this was even here. It's like a mile of lights and lit up figures and presents and up lighting and more lights. You'd think this was a light factory or sumphin! If you do decide to venture out and take picture, you will see police cars across the street watching you and making sure your safe. Hey, East Cleveland know who puts the government issued butter on what side of the government issued bread! Even more of a reason for Cleveland to annex this city...or for you to go and see this wonderful display!

The End!

Thanks Gina for getting the tickets and Kerry for spending time with us. It really was a fun experience being a tourist in my own city and guzzling some holiday cheer while doing so. I don't know which one will last longer, my indigestion from the chili or the Christmas hat, but the memories of this trip will last for a lifetime.

I hope all of you Urban Pioneers have a safe and happy holiday season. I may talk to you one more time in 2015 but if I don't, Happy New Year!

A few last things:

1. If you haven't seen the new Star Wars yet, maybe think about seeing at the Capitol Theater! Tickets on Mondays are like $7 and the place is so big, you won't have to be packed in right next to anyone. Oh and there's beer and wine AND liquor! And you can see it in 3-D!!! Accomplish the Gordon Square triple play >> Eat dinner at Happy Dog, get dessert at Sweet Moses, and see frickin' Star Wars at the Capitol Theater >> Bring a date and it's at least a guaranteed beej!
2. If you haven't been to Playhouse Square yet this holiday season, you're a god-damned Grinch! Take your stupid lights off of you dumb house and bury yourself alive in the backyard!...or I guess going there right now would be way easier for you. I mean how would you bury... never mind. Just go. Oh and after it's dark so you can get the full light-gasm enjoyment!
3. Quit being a jerk and go to the A Christmas Story house already! It's open all year round so I mean you could go like in January when $hits calms down. Just go. If you watch it all day on Christmas, go! Bring friends and buy tickets!
4. #Sadie - If you are too good for my childish and disgusting elf on the shelf pictures, then fine. But...if you're not a soulless PC religious soccer mom, you'll definitely get a kick out of year's 1 and 2 of #Sadie - Crackwhore Elf of the North Stripper Pole. Oh and if you do, no one will judge you for liking a photo or 12 on Facebook. You can just heart it on Instagram if you're trying to keep all of your evil secrets away from your judgy Facebook friends. No one looks at those names but me...and I picture you nude while clicking like...while I'm nude....touching my elf. Sooooo go do that already because likes and comments have been slim this year and I'm ditching if I don't think people care about it.

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