I've spent the last 2 weeks on some sort of vacation either in New York City or Las Vegas. Usually when I go on vacation I look for things that seem like they could fit in Cleveland and bring the ideas home with me... and then annoy Gina to death with them. I'm going to try to give her some peace this time and write them down here since she was nice enough to not give me a hard time about going to Vegas without her. See if you can find the moment it started raining while I was writing this.
1. The 5th Street and Cleveland Arcades need to take some notes from the Chelsea Market. The 5th Street Arcades have been doing a great job of filling store fronts lately... the Cleveland Arcade -- not so much. With their proximity to East 4th Street you would think that they could be the collection of fun, quirky, and hipster-ish stores that the Chelsea Market is. They're both located inside so they're all year long places to go. They may not be the primary dinner spots for people in that area but you can go there for weird desserts or a quick gluten free lunch. I say recruit the best of the Cleveland Flea people who may be looking for brick and mortar store fronts. Even if you have to space out 1 large store front as a mini-flea, you give people a place to buy hand knit caps, jewelry made from typewriter keys, restored furniture, and that kind of cool stuff. Who says you can't flea everyday?!? Throw in a hand crafted nut and cheese shop or an all natural Popsicle stand and you have snacks to eat while you shop. Mix in live music, crafting tutorials, or other niche live events to make it interactive. I make it sound so easy right???
2. Make sure that when people say how wonderful the High Line is, the next thing they say is that the Red Line Greenway is a close 2nd. This is a major opportunity to copy something from a proven urban leader in New York City and not from a stupid f*cking suburb known for having 2 Starbucks. For every 10 times I cringe when someone puts a parking lot in front of a new building in this city like it's a god-damn McDonalds, 1 time comes along that makes me think that someone in the decision making group of Cleveland has some sense when it comes to URBAN DESIGN! Now our version will mostly be in a rail trench so there won't be any wonderful ascending stairways to heaven but this needs to be epic when it's finished. When we were up in the High Line there were walkers and loungers and runners and tourists and fountains and people eating a small cafe along the route...It was beautiful. Take note LAND studio! This needs to be complete. Everything to help you get delightfully from point A to B including art, gardens, shops, rest stops, food options, and signage to the lucky businesses above. Do you know how everyone who rides the towpath trail stops at the Winking Lizard in Peninsula??? Ya, like that.
Please make this place be so good that it forces change in the areas that surround it.
3. Vegas casinos have gambling, a hotel, a pool, shopping, a place to watch shows, and restaurants all in one enclosed building. You really never have to leave the casino. So I thought to myself, what could the Horseshoe do to mimic this (to the best of its ability)? Well we have all of these things in Cleveland... they just aren't connected. Oh and you can't get free passes to them just for being a card holding rewards member. This definitely needs to change.
3-A: You know what my Horseshoe card has got me? Nothing... maybe free parking but most times I walk or take the train so practically nothing. You know what I get when I sign up for any card in Vegas and gamble for 30 mins? A free ticket to a show or a buy one get one free drink ticket at an on-site bar or 20% off of one of the on-site restaurants or something that makes me do something else when I'm tired of losing money. This is a huge opportunity being missed by the city and the casino. Reward gamblers at the horseshoe with city rewards. Maybe you give them a free ticket to a Playhouse Square show or a House of Blues concert or a comedy show at Hilarities. Not many people travel alone so if they get 1 free ticket, they'll more than likely buy another one for their companion. For restaurants, if you give me a 20% off coupon, I'm not even reading the fine print. I'm going there to eat. I'm even thinking of going as far as giving rewards members staying at the Ritz a coupon book for partnering businesses. 5% off of this or BOGO deals or something to get them wander a little. I know, a casino's job is not to make people leave the casino but that's why you partner with businesses so you're always getting a cut of something.
3-B: Get rewards members to their destination easily and as free as possible. For walkers, add directional signage right outside the casino door to partnering businesses. For people who want a ride, have someone working outside of the hotel and casino that guides them to the free trolleys that will take them to their destinations. Have the downtown volunteers at the drop off points to get them into the business and back on to the trolleys when they are done to head back to the casino.
3-C: Get the god damn bums and loiterers off the sidewalk in front of the casino and hotel. Move the bus stops somewhere else. The only thing that should be out front of the casino are inviting uniformed help acting politely and helping you get to a place to spend money. Not anyone that any person would deem threatening no matter what race, gender, or creed you are. I know that sounds awful but if I'm not talking about you personally, shut up! You know you have complained about the same $hit before.
3-D: Tower City should be a frickin outlet mall already. Mid-westerners love outlet malls and most women when given a chance (here comes a broad stroke to prove my point) would pick shopping over gambling...or cooking...or being nice...or have sex after marri...ok ok just kidding!!! You need at least 1 "I love NYC" type of store with magnets and spoons and nick-knacks and t-shirts and any souvenir you can imagine. People actually come here on vacation. Give them the TV experience. OK, in order for this to happen Dan Gilbert needs to buy tower city from Forest City (who by the way is the worst local landlord ever)...or someone needs to buy it from them. For God sake would someone please care about Tower City!?!
3-E: World Series of Poker... or Black Jack... or Cribbage! I don't care just get a sponsored gambling event here in Cleveland and wine and dine the contestants... to a point. This is a four star town if you're willing to do some planning. Do the planning for them.
| 4. If I have to see one more $hitty commercial about Michigan I'm...well...not going to do anything because they're all nut cases and they all have guns. These aren't target practice guns either. These are kill you, rob, you, and/or skin you and eat you later guns. PURE MICHIGAN. Does Cleveland even run commercials in other cities or markets? We know Cleveland exists and if you live in this area you crack a joke every time you see the casino commercials because you're a close-minded suburbanite jerk. "I'd rather drive to Mountaineer blah blah blah..." Pussy. Hell Indiana is a whole state of people who should know that Cleveland's turning it all around and is a fun place to go for a long weekend. Kentucky too! Plus they owe us for all of the bourbon we drink the night after the last Brown's game...or Indians game... Pony up Kentuckers! |  |
You know why people go to NYC or Vegas?
Well...they're both super expensive. They're loud and bright. They're weather is awful one way or the other. Getting from one place to another is a huge pain. There's boatloads of crime. They both smell bad... different types of smells but they do smell.
It's because we all know what exists in those towns. We know about the parks and the landmarks and the activities and the world renowned everything. We've seen it on TV and in movies. We've heard the stories like god damned fairy tails. Wanna know what people outside of Cleveland know about Cleveland? Our sports teams are losers and our river caught on fire. Thanks for flying over potential tourists. I think we need to broaden our scope past a few top 10 lists and start getting the word out.
"Pure Cleveleand. Come and get rained on every muther f*cking day!!!"
Sometimes you have to explore other urbans to make sure you're doing your urbans correctly. Stay dry.
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