I Rode the Bus

I rode the bus this week. I haven't been on a bus that wasn't preceded with the word "party" since college over 10 years ago. I was without a car for the past week and a half so it was kinda like I was in NY or another city where I didn't need a car. This was kind of a fun little experiment for me since I enjoy the urban experience and dislike the inner city highways that divided cities, destroyed neighborhoods, and enabled sprawl. I had the chance to have a rental car but turned it down (partially because I'm cheap) in favor of finding my way in this city without my own automobile.

1. Hitchin' a Ride: If I needed or wanted to go into work, I'd hitch a ride with Gina since we leave for work at the same time. Thank goodness for her! This worked out until I had to find a way home since she works 12 hour days and I work 8.

2. Walking More: I walk to places a lot. It's actually easy in our neighborhood. Most places are a comfortable walk away. With this little adventure, I was faced with having to walk to those places that were an uncomfortable walk away. It was either that or a walk to places that I'd just normally drive to because I'm bringing something home that'd be hard to carry or whatever. It's great exercise and lord knows I need that. Plus I get to see beautiful Cleveland.

3. Uber: Uber is comfortable. Uber is cheaper than a taxi. Uber is nice in a pinch. The drivers are personable sometimes and the joke I heard coming home from work was worth retelling. Ask me about it next time you see me. Gina laughed but I question whether she really listens or just reacts to my inflections and body language.  It was $13-$19 dollars depending on the circumstances so it's decently priced with a quick pickup since work is close to the airport and airport hotels.

4. The Rapid: I love trains. I took one when I worked downtown from Tower City to West 25th Street. It's a 1 stop trip and it cost $2.25 but it saved me from walking in my dress clothes in 90 degree heat carrying my work bag...ok I just love trains so I rode it. I did walk back to our house from the train station so I did get my payback exercise.

5. Biking: I did rent a bike from Zagster, our local bike share company. You can rent a bike for $3 an hour and there are now many places to pick one up from around the city. Its really easy and fun! I went to get cupcakes for a birthday and am proud to say that I got them back to the house without issue. It reminded me of my youth when we'd ride from Louisville to Belden Village...or Atwood Lake. Ahh the good old days!

6. The Bus: None of this is really that exciting until this one. I rode the bus! The same bus where you may have read that drivers punch unruly women; where people get stabbed; where drivers get hit with bricks. On a side note I used ";" in the last sentence and I don't care if I used it correctly. It just seemed like it fit. Anyways, if you read the paper and watch the news, the bus could be a very scary place for passive white guys like myself. I say "white" to convey the pansy-ness of me and more than likely people similar to me. Gina called me a "white t-shirt" once. I'm not cool or tough looking. I'm a mark that gets bothered by beggars and street swindlers because, and this is another Gina quote, "I look to them like a sure thing". I am literally chum being thrown to the media hyped sharks that swim in the buses that crisscross this county. Trust me though people...it's not all that scary.

With all that being said I have to admit that it was a fairly uneventful endeavor. I caught the bus outside of my work. Figuring out how I was going to pay was a snap lesson since I had no idea what to expect. It was easy though. There's a little device right by the driver like you see on pop machines to put your money in which also has a place to slide your bus pass. It was 90 degrees out so the bus smelled a bit ripe but I'm guessing only because the AC couldn't keep up with the heat especially with the door opening and closing pretty consistently at stops. The trip took about 40 mins and the bus did slowly fill up the further we went. I played Candy Crush on my phone most of the time and farted around on Facebook for the rest of the time. That was pretty much it. Everyone kept to themselves and there was no issue what so ever. All that hype for a nice little ride that cost $2.25. It dropped me off at the West Side Market and I walked home the rest of the way. It couldn't have been easier and I plan on doing it again.

The media frenzy every time there's a problem on an RTA bus or on the Rapid is news but in my mind is only the news feeding it's patrons what they want to see and read. It's a shame that public transit has the stigma that it has because it does come in handy and is very affordable. You'll have that though with the popularity of suburban living and car-centric transportation. With more and more people moving downtown the possibility for transit oriented development around Bus and Rapid stops makes more and more sense. The one to zero car household is possible and makes financial sense for people who want to be able to afford a better urban situation for themselves. The more riders there are means that there is more money coming in which will in the future fund improvements and expansion. All of this is possible but the luxury and popularity of a 2 car lifestyle and a suburban development agenda is a major hurdle. It all comes down to what you as a citizen want to see happen.

As a person who would like to see mass transit expanded in this area I have to be a part of the paying ridership. It's just like why I moved to Cleveland in the first place. I want to see Cleveland succeed and prosper so I moved here to make sure my money went towards the local taxes and to local businesses to help them succeed. Money talks in life and if you want something to stick around and get better, you have to make sure that you help fund them. You can't just cheer from the sidelines urban adventurers. You have to participate!

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Pride (In the Name of Love)

Below is a picture of the Crooked River Skate Park and it's right behind Merwin's Warf in the flats. Even though I don't skate and have almost killed myself doing so twice, I do love the fact that this is here. There should be more in the city. There's one in Brookpark and in Lakewood but to my knowledge this is Cleveland's only one. Shouldn't there be one on the East Side somewhere? Make that happen rich people.

On our way there we took the new leg of the Lake Link Trail that goes over Scranton, under the Lorain-Carnegie bridge, and ends at the Columbus Rd lift bridge. It's a beautiful addition and helps us get quickly by foot to great places like Brick and Barrel. Plus there are great and unique views of the city to be had! Round of Applause to everyone involved.

So I've started to work downtown a day or 2 a week. It's nice because sometimes it's hard to make it downtown after work as much as I want to during the week. This way I'm already here...and right above the casino...just sayin'. The Hilton on the Mall is coming along nicely. All glassy and reflective and whatnot. It looks so beautiful now, I can't imagine what it'll look like when it's done. Sounds like what a creep says about HS girls.

Nothing beats Cleveland on a warm summer's day. This is summer day number 5 this year I think so my scale is solely based on the Haley's Comet scale of awesomeness. Not a cloud in the sky. I had to walk off my Noodlecat lunch. Holy crap that's lot of steam bun for $10! Mmmm pork belly. Pork belly is quickly becoming my favorite edible animal belly. It's like a bacon gummy bear.

I feel bad for people who decided to come to Cleveland on vacation this year...but not why you think losers. There's so much here that's under construction! This seems like the year where everyone's eyes are closed tight like a kid on xmas day. Holding their breath anxiously awaiting the big reveal which really doesn't come until next summer. There will be so many new things here in the city by the RNC that you may need to come back again to enjoy and experience all of it. It really is amazing how much is going up or being renovated in our little slice of heaven here and somehow it still doesn't seem like it's enough.

With that being said, and this may not be popular at the moment given his...entertainingly inflammatory comments as of late, BUT there should be a Trump Tower in Cleveland. Not tomorrow but someone needs to call him after his Presidential bid fails and ask him about investing in Cleveland. He'll have been here for at least one debate. He's gonna need to make some money after being fired from everything. He can bulldoze abandon buildings without having to evict anyone. One less thing to worry about! I'm just saying, I don't care if he lives in it or whatever as long as his money builds it.

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I'm starting to hate Blossom...not the 90's show although Note to self: Google what Six looks like now...the music venue. I'm not in love with the idea that the Rock and Roll capitol of the world's most popular music venue is a whole 45 minutes away. Sure they mostly do country garbage but every once in awhile they get things like Van's Warp Tour which should most definitely be downtown since...well...it's not a $hitty country festival. I looked at the lineup and haven't really heard of most of the bands or performers but it's the idea of the whole thing. Someone in this city should be trying to steal these types of things away from the suburbs and point them in the direction of the birth place of...well the birthplace of whatever their derivative of Rock is!

Am I saying that Cleveland should try to put this place out of business though dirty tactics and by flexing it's historical and financial muscle? Sort of...look Blossom can keep its country music venue status. We don't want that stuff up here. You can keep the Jimmy Buffet type jam band things too because those take on a type of Woodstock setting feel by nature. You can also borrow the Cleveland Symphony every once in awhile so suburbanites can get some culture and not really have to see anyone darker than eggshell white but when it comes to Rock, the idea should be that you're spitting in the face of the Rolling Stones and the Beatles if you play in some field in Cuyahoga Falls or wherever the hell Blossom is. The Eddie Money's and J Geils's and Slip Knot's should all have a home to play at here in the city. We get the best sports teams in the region but we're an awful sports town (championship-wise). We get the best comedians in the region but no one is more depressed in America than a Clevelander (except someone from Detroit). We get the best plays and conventions and hospitals... but we're not the Garden of Eden of those things. We're the birthplace of Rock & Roll. Let's take the power back! Have pride in your history Cleveland and exploit the past for future gains. We may not be able to get the factories back but this city needs to again be built on Rock an Roll. Now I need to hear that song...dang-it!

Below I've marked 8 purple areas in and near downtown where Vans or a similar type of outdoor music festival could have stages. You could also do Lincoln Park in Tremont, if you have the proper transportation set up. You don't need to play on all of them and if you get a big enough act you could also do both of our outdoor stadiums. Lord knows nothing else exciting is going on there:

1. Cleveland Mall Stage
2. Public Square Stage
3. E 9th St Pier Stage
4. Jacob's Pavilion Stage
5. Wendy Park Stage
6. Rivergate Stage
7. CSU Stage
8. Gateway Stage

This brings me smoothly to my next topic and probably my biggest pet peeve... If you mean "Strongsville" or "Mayfield" say "Strongsville" or "Mayfield". DON'T SAY CLEVELAND! Oh hell don't even say "Greater Cleveland". Say your city's stupid name and be done with it. If you say (or scream in a smoker's voice) "Cleveland's Home of Rock and Roll' but you're in Independence, say you're "Independence's Home of Rock and Roll". Don't F*cking lie and claim you're banging the lead singer when you're really blowing the guy who collects tickets at the venue. #1 you don't have the good business sense to be downtown during this great renaissance. #2 you are actually destroying the city of Cleveland (whom you claim to be so proud of that you take their name in your tag line) by not paying taxes to the city or creating jobs in the city. #3 You're not Rock. Rock is gritty and hardcore and dirty. Sex, drugs and rock and roll isn't suburban wine drinking, cul de sac's, and Luke Bryan. And that's just my radio station example! All sorts of companies do it and it's wrong. The top restaurant's in Cleveland list makes me page through stupid suburban restaurant entries. Best lunch deal - Friday's at blah blah mall!...what the shit people. It's like plagiarism. I can't say I work for Microsoft because I use some of their software. I can't say I'm Leigh Gallagher because I read her book. You can't say you're Cleveland's Home of something or best something when you're a god-damn business is in Westlake!

Oh and one more thing. The fact that there are 3 casinos in this area is another Columbus lead coup to try to make Cleveland fail. Our 1 casino downtown is enough. Move the other 2 to far off places in this state like Dayton or Mansfield or Van Wert. Nowhere else do you see such a saturation of casinos and the failing casino profit headlines than right here in NEO. The suburban thinking of the Columbus elite and the state government has to stop. The groundswell of defiance against highways and malls is growing stronger by the day and someone needs to champion the fair fight for proper urbanism in this state. 

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If someone tells you one week to focus your efforts on something because it will be best suited for you and then the next week votes to have that opportunity removed completely...that person will never be trusted again. Except now they're in charge. I don't know if I can follow my dream here in this neighborhood anymore. Not only have I lost 3 elections in 1.5 months, my "people I trust" list has been cut in half. It's hard to feel unneeded and that's what it feels like here. Everything is fine in this neighborhood I guess and no more help is required. Time to start finding a place that truly needs my help....

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You'll never bring down an institution, urban pioneers, by chipping away at the drywall. You have to swing a sledge at the main supports. It's harder work but it's worth it.

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Vacation Rant 2015

I've spent the last 2 weeks on some sort of vacation either in New York City or Las Vegas. Usually when I go on vacation I look for things that seem like they could fit in Cleveland and bring the ideas home with me... and then annoy Gina to death with them. I'm going to try to give her some peace this time and write them down here since she was nice enough to not give me a hard time about going to Vegas without her. See if you can find the moment it started raining while I was writing this.

1. The 5th Street and Cleveland Arcades need to take some notes from the Chelsea Market. The 5th Street Arcades have been doing a great job of filling store fronts lately... the Cleveland Arcade -- not so much. With their proximity to East 4th Street you would think that they could be the collection of fun, quirky, and hipster-ish stores that the Chelsea Market is. They're both located inside so they're all year long places to go. They may not be the primary dinner spots for people in that area but you can go there for weird desserts or a quick gluten free lunch. I say recruit the best of the Cleveland Flea people who may be looking for brick and mortar store fronts. Even if you have to space out 1 large store front as a mini-flea, you give people a place to buy hand knit caps, jewelry made from typewriter keys, restored furniture, and that kind of cool stuff. Who says you can't flea everyday?!? Throw in a hand crafted nut and cheese shop or an all natural Popsicle stand and you have snacks to eat while you shop. Mix in live music, crafting tutorials, or other niche live events to make it interactive. I make it sound so easy right???

2. Make sure that when people say how wonderful the High Line is, the next thing they say is that the Red Line Greenway is a close 2nd. This is a major opportunity to copy something from a proven urban leader in New York City and not from a stupid f*cking suburb known for having 2 Starbucks. For every 10 times I cringe when someone puts a parking lot in front of a new building in this city like it's a god-damn McDonalds, 1 time comes along that makes me think that someone in the decision making group of Cleveland has some sense when it comes to URBAN DESIGN! Now our version will mostly be in a rail trench so there won't be any wonderful ascending stairways to heaven but this needs to be epic when it's finished. When we were up in the High Line there were walkers and loungers and runners and tourists and fountains and people eating a small cafe along the route...It was beautiful. Take note LAND studio! This needs to be complete. Everything to help you get delightfully from point A to B including art, gardens, shops, rest stops, food options, and signage to the lucky businesses above. Do you know how everyone who rides the towpath trail stops at the Winking Lizard in Peninsula??? Ya, like that.

Please make this place be so good that it forces change in the areas that surround it.

3. Vegas casinos have gambling, a hotel, a pool, shopping, a place to watch shows, and restaurants all in one enclosed building. You really never have to leave the casino. So I thought to myself, what could the Horseshoe do to mimic this (to the best of its ability)? Well we have all of these things in Cleveland... they just aren't connected. Oh and you can't get free passes to them just for being a card holding rewards member. This definitely needs to change. 

3-A: You know what my Horseshoe card has got me? Nothing... maybe free parking but most times I walk or take the train so practically nothing. You know what I get when I sign up for any card in Vegas and gamble for 30 mins? A free ticket to a show or a buy one get one free drink ticket at an on-site bar or 20% off of one of the on-site restaurants or something that makes me do something else when I'm tired of losing money. This is a huge opportunity being missed by the city and the casino. Reward gamblers at the horseshoe with city rewards. Maybe you give them a free ticket to a Playhouse Square show or a House of Blues concert or a comedy show at Hilarities. Not many people travel alone so if they get 1 free ticket, they'll more than likely buy another one for their companion. For restaurants, if you give me a 20% off coupon, I'm not even reading the fine print. I'm going there to eat. I'm even thinking of going as far as giving rewards members staying at the Ritz a coupon book for partnering businesses. 5% off of this or BOGO deals or something to get them wander a little. I know, a casino's job is not to make people leave the casino but that's why you partner with businesses so you're always getting a cut of something.

3-B: Get rewards members to their destination easily and as free as possible. For walkers, add directional signage right outside the casino door to partnering businesses. For people who want a ride, have someone working outside of the hotel and casino that guides them to the free trolleys that will take them to their destinations. Have the downtown volunteers at the drop off points to get them into the business and back on to the trolleys when they are done to head back to the casino. 

3-C: Get the god damn bums and loiterers off the sidewalk in front of the casino and hotel. Move the bus stops somewhere else. The only thing that should be out front of the casino are inviting uniformed help acting politely and helping you get to a place to spend money. Not anyone that any person would deem threatening no matter what race, gender, or creed you are. I know that sounds awful but if I'm not talking about you personally, shut up! You know you have complained about the same $hit before.

3-D: Tower City should be a frickin outlet mall already. Mid-westerners love outlet malls and most women when given a chance (here comes a broad stroke to prove my point) would pick shopping over gambling...or cooking...or being nice...or have sex after marri...ok ok just kidding!!! You need at least 1 "I love NYC" type of store with magnets and spoons and nick-knacks and t-shirts and any souvenir you can imagine. People actually come here on vacation. Give them the TV experience. OK, in order for this to happen Dan Gilbert needs to buy tower city from Forest City (who by the way is the worst local landlord ever)...or someone needs to buy it from them. For God sake would someone please care about Tower City!?!

3-E: World Series of Poker... or Black Jack... or Cribbage! I don't care just get a sponsored gambling event here in Cleveland and wine and dine the contestants... to a point. This is a four star town if you're willing to do some planning. Do the planning for them.

4. If I have to see one more $hitty commercial about Michigan I'm...well...not going to do anything because they're all nut cases and they all have guns. These aren't target practice guns either. These are kill you, rob, you, and/or skin you and eat you later guns. PURE MICHIGAN. Does Cleveland even run commercials in other cities or markets? We know Cleveland exists and if you live in this area you crack a joke every time you see the casino commercials because you're a close-minded suburbanite jerk. "I'd rather drive to Mountaineer blah blah blah..." Pussy. Hell Indiana is a whole state of people who should know that Cleveland's turning it all around and is a fun place to go for a long weekend. Kentucky too! Plus they owe us for all of the bourbon we drink the night after the last Brown's game...or Indians game... Pony up Kentuckers!

You know why people go to NYC or Vegas? 

Well...they're both super expensive. They're loud and bright. They're weather is awful one way or the other. Getting from one place to another is a huge pain. There's boatloads of crime. They both smell bad... different types of smells but they do smell. 

It's because we all know what exists in those towns. We know about the parks and the landmarks and the activities and the world renowned everything. We've seen it on TV and in movies. We've heard the stories like god damned fairy tails. Wanna know what people outside of Cleveland know about Cleveland? Our sports teams are losers and our river caught on fire. Thanks for flying over potential tourists. I think we need to broaden our scope past a few top 10 lists and start getting the word out. 

"Pure Cleveleand. Come and get rained on every muther f*cking day!!!"

Sometimes you have to explore other urbans to make sure you're doing your urbans correctly. Stay dry.

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Unique Restaurants and Furniture Painting

6/20/2015 - The Terrace Club

Gina's cousin Kerry and I went to an Indians game without her a few Saturday's ago since Gina truly believes everyone in Stark county will die if she doesn't have constant contact with either the ground inside of the county boarders or contact with someone currently living in Stark county. Go ahead, ask her about it. It's literally a debilitating phobia she has that keeps the fuel companies in business. I've asked her to go to therapy but she insists on seeing a therapist in North Canton so I just gave up and started painting furniture to waste the lonely time between when I get off of work at 4 and when she comes home from work at 8:30 pm...but more about that later.

The game was whatever other than it was the slowest game of all time and we won BUT the thing I liked the most was finally getting a chance to eat at the Terrance Club. Yes, that cool little collection of windows in left field is a very nice restaurant with beautiful views of the field. I remember hearing people talk about this place when the stadium 1st opened as if it was a 5-star respite for the elite of the suburban elite. Remember this was when we sold out every home game for like 10 years straight and you got on your knees and kissed feet when you got the chance to get your hands on a pair of tickets. Anyways, 20 some years later and I finally get my chance to step foot into it...as long as we left by 15 minutes before game time...I remember that because we were told 82 times. I guess there's still a bit of exclusion in the air.

Our view.

I have to say that overall this was a great experience. The service was very attentive and almost to the point of being pleasantly annoying...probably because of the whole hard out/deadline thing. The food choices were unique but certainly had one foot in ballpark tradition ie. pretzel buns, sausages, etc... Very creative. The views of the field were top notch. I couldn't imagine being one of the lucky few who are able to do whatever needed to be done (or buy whatever needed bought) in order to be able to sit here during the game...but alas I bought a Hummer H3 about 4 days before gas prices shot up to $4 a gallon so I sit with the rest of the schlubs...and when I say schlubs I mean the other team's fans. You guys are cool.

The Terrace Club is the glassy jagged area in left field.

6/28/2015 - Momocho

Gina and I have both wanted to eat at Momocho for some time because we've heard so many good things about it. I'm glad we were able to cross it off our list because, like she tends to do, Gina added the name of this restaurant to her short-term memory vocabulary and would blurt it out at least once a day for oh about 3 months when we would make plans...except every time she said it, it would be different. "Momocho". "Mamecho". "Mamacita's". "Mama Ilardo's". McDonald's. Achi-Machi's. It was like toothless hillbillies playing a game of telephone (or as they call it "queer can on a string word game"). I'm sure I could tell you more of them but after awhile I just shoved each of our cats deep into each of my ears and kept nodding...still I'm sure at least one of them was "Meow".

We met Gina's cousin Helene there for dinner on Sunday night. The restaurant is in a great little area tucked away in Ohio City - lots of trees and old houses. The build is unique and the decor, as in places like this, is also a bit interesting but in that "you've never or will never see this all together again" way. It's dark. It looks like everything was handmade. There are lots of pictures of masked wrestlers. Oh and at least 2 bicycles pimped out Mex-ee-cano style...think the movie Next Friday. I love this type of style where you find a niche and go nuts with it. Walking in, getting a drink at the bar, and leaving would be worth the trip...although you'd be missing out on so much more.

There are flights of a lot of stuff on the menu. Usually you get a flight of beer or wine. We got a flight of margaritas and...wait for it...guacamole. So yes, we all like some guacamole from time to time with chips and maybe on a subway sandwich but this place takes the green stuff to a whole different level. By the time we were ordering entrees, we had all but devoured the 3 largest bowls of pimped out guac that I had ever seen. One had bacon in it. One had goat cheese. One had salmon...yup fish. Completely blew us away. There were other wonderful things in there as well but go eat it for yourselves baby birds. I'm done feeding you.

Gina got pork belly soft tacos and even though it was spelled out right there on the menu, it was a shock to her when they put it down in front of her. She's so f#cking cute sometimes! They were delish. I got... ok now please swallow all your saliva and find your nearest trash can just in case... cow tongue...cut up like pastrami. Yup, it was a roast beef looking cow tongue that you eat with some other delicious stuff in a soft shelled flour tortilla. I think I almost got Gina to puke when I called it "frenching Bessy". It was great and best of all is that I can now write this story about them taking a long cow tongue (I have now spelled tongue 13 different ways...all wrong...SPELL CHECK!), putting it in a deli meat slicer, and it just slicing through taste buds and all. Then I ate it! I'm sure there was cooking and seasoning in there somewhere but it's not important to the point. It was great! The margaritas were great too. So was the patio. This place is just awesome! Unique in every way as far as this poorly traveled guy from Ohio is concerned. For me it's definitely up there as far as favorites in Cleveland go and that's saying something...or nothing. It depends on who you are and if you like me.

Painting Furniture

Recently I've started paining furniture. I either get the furniture for free or from second hand places for cheap. I paint it all up nice and eventually, once I spray them all with clear protective enamel, I'll sell them. I'm not sure how? Probably to people on Facebook and then on like Craig's list or something. It's a nice hobby to go to on those rainy summer days and/or a way to pass the time until Gina gets home from work. I find it relaxing and love to see the finished products. If I was a better/richer man (in one way or another), I wouldn't mind making this my profession. I however am not in that position at this time so, for now, it's just a hobby.

This little telephone table will be my 1st experience with reupholstering along with painting it. I actually tried to do the reupholstering myself without any experience and it turned out looking awful. Back to the drawing board for sure. I have faith in the colors and in my painting skills though so it'll be ready for that new seat covered with a clearance shower curtain and stuffed with a clearance pillow I cut open. Cheap and creative...it's the only way you can make a buck in this world...Well, I guess you could steal it...or work real hard...but artists are creative and I'm lazy so this is what I'm going to do. BTW Gina wants to keep these all so if you want to buy one from me, please don't believe her when she says we aren't selling them. She has a problem.

To loosely quote a infamous preacher, "Don't just sit there urban pioneers...DO SOMETHING!" Off to NYC this weekend for a much needed vacation with Gina, my brother John, and his gf Brooke. I love NYC and can't wait to be surrounded by tall buildings and shoulder to shoulder with tons of people. OK love you buh bye.

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