The Browns decided to unveil a new logo this week. We all waited to see what the front office that was daring enough to draft Johnny Football and Justin Gil...Gilcrest...Gilbert... corner back Gilbert Gottfried in last year's draft could do for our logo. Would we finally choose something other than a helmet? Would we embrace the "Dawg Pound" nickname and make it a mean snarling dog? Would we go with the evil "Brownie the Elf"? Anything was possible... anything... I guess even nothing.
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| Since we changed the logo to a helmet our city's population has never gone up. Coincidence? |
Well just like with our 2 1st round draft picks last year, we were disappointed and just like our 2 1st round draft picks last year, were driven insane or to drink by the Browns front office. Here are 3 missed opportunities with the "new " orang-ier logo:
1. With a new logo, you can make us forget about these past 2 off-seasons and to give us hope for the future.
How do you build upon a 7-9 record which was the best you've done in years? Well...
- Don't jump at resigning your starting QB
- Let you're star WR run around unsupervised because you think he "learned his lesson"
- Chase your O-coordinator out of town by micromanaging and meddling in personnel
- Hire a new O-coordinator who's never been one before
- Watch your savior QB enter rehab
- Have your GM get caught sending texting to the sidelines which will eventually lead to us loosing draft picks
- After much hope and anticipation, come out with a logo that looks exactly like the old logo... seriously! Just like the old one. Which one is which?
The font's kinda different... the left one is orang-ier... are the face masks on the actual helmets going to be brown? If we're going to be sticklers about chin strap buttons, shouldn't we add one to the top corner of the face mask? Wait!... Did we eliminate the color grey to save on printing!?!
2. With a new logo, you can now sell all new apparel to fans with the new logo on it and make millions!
Go on a journey with me for a second... You're in the muni lot. It's 6 am on game day. You open up a cooler to see a glorious site. 12 Great Lakes beers, a flask of Cleveland Whiskey, and a Kool-Aid concoction that has Port Side Rum in it with cherries and pineapples. Pretty typical for tailgating. Now for the next 6 hours drink all of it... plus a few shots from the shot girl because you thought she was hot. OK maybe you lost a beer or 2 along the way because you have a skeevy friend who only brings 1/2 a 6er to tailgate with. When it comes time for you to head to the game you have 39 gallons of liquor/beer and 2 brawts in you, a contact high because... you walked through the muni lot, and you have to pee. You walk past the team shop on the way to your seat and say to yourself "Hey hey... hey. I need a new t-shirt because the Brownssssssssss gots'em new logo... and I got BBQ sauce and piss on dis one I havehereonmerightNOW." You look down at the old logo on your shirt and then look up at the new logo on a shirt in the team shop window...
"Hmmm... I guess they have'n put the new thing out on... it... yet. F*ck it! I gotta piss."
I still wear my Tim Couch jersey to games. Wanna know why? Because jersey's are expensive and since the NFL doesn't take into consideration where they are selling their stuff, people who live in New York city have to pay the same amount for jersey's as people in... oh let's say Beirut. There's a difference in the income of the 2 areas. Know what would have made me buy something new??? Any of these:
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| His name is "Cleveland Brown" and he is proud to be... a different logo than... what it used to be... |
3. With a new logo, you give us something good to talk about this off-season...
Seriously, good or bad, a drastic logo change gives us something to focus on this off-season. Callers could talk about it for weeks on sports radio. Instead, while our team is making the Raiders look like a well put together franchise all you can do to distract us with a shiny new toy is to make the face mask brown and the orange even orang-ier? My God! We're now an even bigger laughing stock... if you can believe it?!? Millions of dollars in marketing and this is what you came up with?
I'm telling you Clevelanders, focus on all of the nice buildings going up downtown. Focus on all of the renovations. Focus on the Cavs! Focus on people and jobs and the RNC and anything else... except this group of jokers. Gladiators season is right around the corner. They made it to the championship last year! You can get tickets for $5.
Good night fans of CLE! Sweet dreams of more orang-ier things in the future. LLAP-RIP...
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