Friday, September 19, 2014

Browns, Boondoggles, FreshWater, and Statues

We finally won a home opener! Browns 26 - Saints 24

My friend Betts somehow landed free club seats to the Brown's home opener and after Dave couldn't go, I was the next in line to get invited! Of course I saw "free" and said yes before I knew what I was agreeing to do (which is dangerous with Betts) but this time it paid off. After last week's comeback almost-win I was kinda excited to see this team up close and personal. Plus there were those flashy new scoreboards that I helped pay for that I wanted to see. Really for the amount of money we put into that place you'd think we'd get at least a little discount on the tickets right? Nope. My free ticket that someone was nice enough to give me was $200 face value... Seriously. If it was snowing, I would still be outdoors in my seat. I was close to the indoor bars and restaurants but the markup on the food still exists. The cost of things confuses me. It was like buying beer, bringing it into Chasers, and then having them sell it back to you because they didn't have a liquor license. Any man who went to Kent in the late 90's/early 00's remembers that. At least that place was entertaining every night and not just 8 Sunday's a year.

I sometimes forget:
  1. How there is no way across the tracks if you park in the docks to tailgate without walking forever and sliding under not 1 fence but 2. I'm hoping once they start developing the land out by the stadium, they connect downtown to it better.
  2. How sticky the floors in a dance club are. Anyone who's seen me walk knows without seeing that I have basic white guy dance moves at my very best and drunkest. That being said, I've traditionally not gone to dance clubs... but they were the only places where you could buy a drink on W 6th without waiting in an 4 hour line. We were rewarded with some heavy Jack and Coke's for our trouble. The soles of my shoes however have the clap now.
  3. How it feels to be around people, drunk or not. Tailgating only happens during football season so when you can get your hands on tickets you want to make the most of it right??? Daniel Tosh said that no one frowns on a jet ski. Well that can also be said about tailgating in Cleveland. Hope spring forth from the glassy eyes of every fan in the lot. They're talkative and welcoming and willing to share whatever they have as long as you're wearing the same colors. It's nice to be about the masses.
  4. How it feels to see someone so big support local anything. Since we were able to save the $200 on the ticket price, we decided that we should make up for it buying beer... $10 beer... for 4 people... 3 of which are married... 2 of which have children. Ya so we made liberal use of the bar area throughout the day and boy was it nice. I was really surprised at how nice actually. There was a large area with 5 normal sized bars surrounded by restaurants from the Mt Rushmore of local chefs. Let me say this again... local chef run restaurants and a bar that served draft Dortmunder Gold! I have to say... nice job Browns! Finally an Browns owner and front office who cares about local anything. Now let's get rid of the dingling piss water from pittsburgh and I'm all in!
  5. How it feels to watch the Browns win at the stadium.

Our new opportunity street is being called a boondoggle

Usually when I think Scene, I think sarcastic criticism of anything and everything in Cleveland without no real solutions. I have never really read a Scene article where they've said "This is a great idea and everyone here at Scene stands behind it 100%. Have a nice day." I did however finally find an article I agreed with and didn't make me think that this could all be over tomorrow... ok 2.


The opportunity corridor is an extremely expensive extension of 490 to University Circle. Here are some good's and bad's in my mind:
  • Bad - It mainly serves West Side car drivers by giving them an easy route from I90 to the UC for work and then home again. Suburbanites and their cars are what killed Cleveland in the first place. You live here or deal with the hassles of driving a non direct route. Scared, bitchy, white people.
  • Good - It's 35 mph and contains bike lanes. This means that it's not a straight shot for people to speed through trying to avoid the poors. Stop. Take a look around. Plus bike lanes are always awesome! Give people yet another alternative to driving. It's a cheap perk of urban living.
  • Bad - There are no businesses lined up to build on the land adjacent to this new road... that I know of. No tax money to pay back whatever we're borrowing to build it and/or no money to repair it when the time comes. This isn't Field of Dreams people. It's still Cleveland and when I last looked Eaton, Progressive, and BP aren't coming back any time soon.
  • Good - The HealthLine was a catalyst to growth along Euclid Ave connecting downtown (urban area) to the UC (urban area). It was a gift to the city's residents connecting the 2 nodes and allowing them to share in healthcare, entertainment, and jobs. One will always prosper if the other grows because of this connection.
  • Bad - This is connecting, at the very least, ultra poor urban areas where 40% of residents don't even own cars to the UC... who locally is going to drive on this? Doctors who want to go buy crack?... In all reality I'll drive on it from Tremont to the UC, if I'm in a hurry. I am someone who's house isn't being torn down to build it though. Even past that, this opportunity project isn't in my neighborhood. Read this: http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and-heard/archives/2014/07/03/no-one-gives-a-shit-about-car-access-in-kinsman
  • Bad - Do we really need more land to not build on? Do we think it's our old buildings and roads in those areas that attract the poor and not businesses? Ohio's too busy worrying about Columbus suburbs to help infill a new road project all the way up here in ethnic democrat land.
  • Good - I almost want it to go in while people get swallowed up by pot holes on their shortcut roads to work. I just want to see people who complain about potholes (in a city they don't live in) jump up their own ass. Unless you're a resident tax payer... shut up. You're the problem.
  • Bad - This money should be going to light rail projects. I want to ride a train or a street car to Akron, Canton, the Beachland Ballroom, Tremont, Gordon Square, and the Zoo. There's already a train to the UC. And a Rapid Bus line. And a street. And a sidewalk.
There. As snarky and hard hitting as anything you'll find in or around Scene magazine or e-zine or whatever they are PLUS it includes some solutions and alternatives. Who said I wasn't fair? All snarkiness aside, I guess if every idea that Cleveland's brain trust had was a good one, no one would feel the need to complain.

A glass of FreshwaterCleveland to cleanse my palate of snarkiness

Every Thursday Freshwater Cleveland cranks out the feel good stories that Cleveland not only deserve but craves. I'm there every week just to see what wonderful things are going on in the city that I love and call home. The features are well written and up beat. Heck they just make you feel good! Now with all of that being said in such a positive manner, click on the link below to read a story that I love seeing come up every now and again pointing out the big projects that all Clevelanders are looking forward to. It's an exciting time people! Mmmmm BBQ...

Do any of you remember who helped make Cleveland famous?

Bernie Kosar? Drew Carey? Bone Thugs? Let's get historical. Your memory of Cleveland probably goes back to "the fumble" or possibly watching the Cavs in Richfield. You know the River caught fire but when isn't important. You live in the now when the city is on the comeback trail... and most Clevelanders tend to agree since our past can be sort of depressing. BUT there was a time when we were the shit! The city was home to millionaires and movie stars and was a get away destination for New York's elite. The city had more amusement parks than you could visit in a week. 

We forget those times because it's painful to remember how great things were or how close we came. That however doesn't mean we have to forget the hard work that went into building what we have today. That's why I was happy to see that we put up a statue of Johnny Kilbane. "Who?" you might say. When it comes to holding a boxing title the longest, there's Joe Louis, of the arena in Detroit, and then there's Johnny Kilbane. The featherweight is considered one of the greatest in his weight class and was inducted into the International Boxing Hall of Fame in 1995. He fought his way up from poverty and tragedy to become the champion of the world in a time when boxing was just long and brutal. 

We don't memorialize the good in this city enough and it's sets a bad example. It makes the city seem unforgiving and forgetful. No one wants to be forgotten most of all by their hometown. We moved Alan Freed's ashes from the rock hall for goodness sakes and he represents the only bit of popular culture still left in this city! He's the foundation upon which that Hall of Fame is built on.

With that being said, here are 10 ideas for remembering some of Cleveland's famous residents:
  1. Use the fact that John Heisman was born in Cleveland to get the Heisman Trophy presentation to come to Cleveland. If that can't happen, put a large statue of the trophy in the middle of a newly formed Franklin Circle in Ohio City which is blocks away from the house where he was born.
  2. If you can't get the rights to the Heisman trophy, kill 2 birds with one stone and make the statue of Desmond Howard doing the Heisman pose.
  3. Name a theater after Bob Hope. He wasn't born here but he called it home.
  4. Have a plaque in a park under a giant American flag say "Only in America... -Don King".
  5. Put up a freaking statue of Superman already! It should be huge and in a public place. I don't want to say "Not in Glenville"... but you know... not in Glenville.
  6. If you can't get the Superman statue done, do one of the Penguin since Burgess Meredith was born here too. Or maybe one of him calling Rocky a bum?
  7. Name a wing of one of the area hospitals after Dr Oz.
  8. Name every track and stadium in the city after Jesse Owens.
  9. Catherine Bach deserves at least a Daisy Duke Lane right?
  10. Elm Ave in the Flats should be renamed Elm St for director Wes Craven. A Freddy/Ghost Face mural wouldn't hurt either.


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