Showing posts with label @Hilarities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label @Hilarities. Show all posts

Friday, June 12, 2015

Back in the swing of things

6/5/2015 - The Velodrome
Did you know that Cleveland had a Velodrome? Let me back up...do you know what a velodrome is? It's kind of an awesome word that conjurers up images of Cobra's headquarters which was called the "Terror Drome" but they are obviously different...just in case they aren't though, stand by Joe's. The Velodrome is an arena for track cycling and looks like a NASCAR track for bikes. The track is steeply banked on the short ends with straights on the long ends. Ours is an outdoor track with some seating but some are indoors in an arena type setting like Cleveland Public Auditorium which hosted many indoor velodrome races in the 20's and 30's.

Now that you know what it is, I bet you didn't know we had one? Smack dab in the middle of Slavic Village (By law when someone says Slavic Village they are also to mention that it was ground zero of the housing bubble) which was ground zero of the housing bubble. From the track's infield it doesn't look like it is where it is. You can see clusters of nice green trees just over the banked track. You see building tops but not enough to know if they're clustered low income apartments or just completely abandoned. Every couple of blocks along Broadway you see the good bones of neighborhood place-making starting to come together. Artistic metal arches over the street and other art installments dot the landscape. A few well preserved old buildings from the area's ethnic past sit as reminders of the good old days. Gems like the Velodrome and the Morgana Run trail show proof of some interest in the area but sadly nothing close to what it truly needs. 

Cleveland needs that neighborhood that is the "Cyclist's Paradise" and for some reason the Slavic Village brass isn't getting this big oval slap in the face! I'm talking protected bike lanes everywhere, bike shops, indoor/outdoor bike park, an annual road race, bike manufacturing companies...THE WORKS!...Nope. Nuthin. Boy if I had a million dollars right?!?



Watching races at the Velodrome was fun! I paid my $5 for infield access, a hot dog, and a beverage. Not too shabby. I also donated some to the cause because I just love having this in the city. My friend and co-worker Melanie was volunteering at the food booth so I got the scoop on Velodrome cycle racing from her:

First, the bikes they use to race don't coast. The wheels and the pedals are fixed together so you have to slow down your legs in order to slow down the bike to a stop. Now for me this might be a stumbling point since I cruise through life, hold down the clutch and cruise, and look for the steep hills to bike on so I don't have to pedal...not with this bike. Oh and it also makes starting a race very interesting as they have to hold on to the rail at the top of one of the straight banks until the gun goes off to start. "And there's the starting gun and Vozar goes face first down the ramp and into the infield. Get that guy a hot dog and some gauze!"

Second, the bikes have clip on shoe/pedals thingies. I knew this but have never seen them in person before. I've also heard of people not being able to detach in time and just randomly falling to the ground at stop lights. Now that's comedy! So you can't coast AND you're clipped in??? Have you ever seen me walk? Ya, I'm one deep thought away from tripping over myself into a face smash. Sometimes you can hear me faintly saying "left foot. right foot. heel. toe. heel. toe" when I walk. I mean I'm not scared but I can see why the helmets are necessary!...and face masks...and mouth guards. Amen.

Thirdly, follow the lines on the track. Don't go getting all ballsy and drift towards the top of the high banks during a race where you really shouldn't as you then become a go fast battering ram, if you're not careful. There's a passing rule too but I'm not sure if I remember it or if it's only in certain races. Either way look for me in the blue area 99.99% of the time when I sign up for my free beginner's course later this summer.

Fourthly and most importantly, spandex. Everywhere. If you want to see pressed down boobs and bulgy junk, this is the place for you!...and you can kill 2 birds with one stone looking at me in one of those getups! Ha! I'll stick with shorts and a t-shirt until I need to shave some seconds off my lap time. Don't let that stop anyone else though. Get your Lycra on ladies.

6/5/2015 - Indians 2 - Orioles 5
A few posts ago I wrote about a cheap but fun night out in Cleveland that included a Tribe game, $1 Dog and Soda night, and fireworks. Well I took my own advice and went to that game and who did we happen to come across? The McCoy clan there for a pre-wedding party of some kind. It was great to see them and shoot the $hit for a bit. We ate hot dogs, drank beer, and had a heck of a time watching some baseball. The "hipster approved classic rock fireworks" were pretty great although I don't know why they were "hipster approved"? I didn't hear one song by The Clash, The Ramones, Lou Reed, or Mudhoney... any hipster rock bands I missed? We lost but who really cared when you had friends there like this.

6/7/2015 - Louis Anderson at Hilarities
Say what you want about what you've heard about Louis Anderson but the man is still funny after all these years and a stint on family feud. Gina, myself, and Eli went to Hilarities to check him out with of course free tickets. I swear I've been there about 7-8 times since moving here and have had to pay for tickets once and just that first time. I don't ever see crap acts either. They've all been pretty top notch. Keep filling out those cards and you keep going back. I guess it's only a great deal if you live in the area...so move to the area right?! It's a great night on the town at East 4th no matter what you go there to do but everyone should know that by now.

Louis was funny, topical, local, and on point even when a drunk old lady piped up about it being her and her husband's 50th anniversary or some $hit. He gently took the time to calm her down verbally and when this selfish attention hog finally shut up, he moved right back into the funny. A true professional and definitely worth seeing.

6/7/2015 - NBA Finals Game 2 Watch Party at the Q
So to end our fun whirlwind day of grad parties and comedy shows Gina, Eli, and I headed over to the Q to watch the Cavs in the finals...on the jumbo-mega-fire shooting-sword wielding-supertron! It was the finals so we paid $5 to get in but I have to tell you that it was totally worth it. The place was packed! Like more packed than a "mid-season game against the Hornets" packed. Everyone was pumped and the energy was high the whole time. I guess it had to do with the fact that for $5 us normal people could afford to actually go to a finals game. True blue collar fans and not people who just go to see Usher sing the national anthem and be seen. And the Cavs won! Hopefully we'll have at least 1 more chance to go and celebrate a champ... champi... I can't even say it. I actually don't know how. I haven't been a part of or cheered for a team that brings home a trophy...well except for Texas but it's different when it's the home team. Cross your finger. Knock on wood. Turn the light switch on and off 5 times. Whew.

Congrats to my graduating relatives Tianna, Austin, and Allison and to all the grads out there. I say that knowing that kids I babysat and watched grow up are now embarking on their real lives. It makes me feel old and proud at the same time. As they spread their wings and leave the nest and all that stuff, the world is much different now than when I did the same so my words of wisdom may feel a bit like me telling you that I used to wear jean shorts and gas was $1.50 BUT a universal truth in all of this is that your next 10 years are going to be the best and the worst all at the same time. Make memories you will be proud to tell your kids about and minimize the mistakes you'll for sure make. I make it well known that my time after high school was wasted figuring out who I was past what Louisville had made me and trying to throw off the shackles of small town thinking and fear. Not until I was 30 did I truly become who I am and most importantly...who I'm proud to be. Be proud to be an urban explorer or whatever dreams you may not even know about yet. Have a goal past marriage and family and do everything you can to achieve that. There's too much to life for you to even know what you want at this point but this is the prime time to discover that. Love what you do everyday and love yourself. Good luck!



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Friday, November 7, 2014

CLE Itinerary 1

This is not going to be a long post because, basically, readership has been way down on the old blog so I'm going to keep it simple and not fret too much about it. This one is just going to give you a list of places I like to take people when they come up or recommend to people who are going to spend the day downtown. Now since people who come up mainly are coming from the Stark county area, I have to keep the experience safe and shiny. I can't take people to Johnny's Bar on Fulton or recommend the newly renovated League Park for the first time they come up.. I mean they'd have a heart attack and die the second we drove through the neighborhoods to get there. Let's just say that this is like a Time Square tour of downtown Cleveland.

CLE Itinerary 1 - Inspired by "Gina and I's 1st big downtown date":
  • When: Any time of the year. Both snow and sun have their perks with this one.
  • 1st stop: Lunch at Noodlecat
    • Even though I didn't take her here on this particular date, it was part of another date. This is one of my favorite places to get a good easy meal downtown. In this Jonathon Sawyer Japanese-American mash up, think ramen noodle soup on steroids and delicious finger sandwiches. Intrigued aren't you??? They take great food and mix it in with your favorite $.38 college breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Order a beer with your meal and it's like you're right back in your dirty $1200 a month apartment that you share with 7 other people and pay for with your parent's money. Don't get me wrong though, the quality of the food is top notch and the taste is even better. Check out the lunch menu here.
  • 2nd stop: The Rock and Roll Hal of Fame
    • Most of you haven't been here since it opened in 1995 but it's an awesome experience and a great place to get lost for a few hours. The cost to get in is fairly reasonable and the gift shop has some awesome stuff. It's hard to describe the experience but as a fan of rock and roll music, it's a much needed reminder of what real music sounds like and where it came from. You'll be jamming to WMMS for the rest of the week after you leave.
  • 3rd stop: GE Chandelier
    • This wasn't up when Gina and I went on the date that inspired this list but it's a great addition to the list! Stop and see the largest outdoor chandelier in the universe! The GE Chandelier is located above the intersection of Euclid and E 14th St in beautiful Playhouse Square. The lights are bright and twinkling in this area so bring a camera and snap some selfies. It's a must see in a city that's more known for it's grit than it's glitz.
  • 4th stop: East 4th Street
    • Cleveland's hip entertainment district has a ton of choices for places to get a great meal and a drink. If you go in the summer, you can sit on one of their many outdoor patios spaces and have a great meal and even better people watching. If you go during the winter, start at the south end, work your way north, and end up in the beautiful Cleveland Arcade. Their Christmas decorations are amazing so allow some extra time for pictures. It's a beautiful building inside no matter what the season. Don't valet park or park in the casino garage! Park in one of the many surface lots for a much cheaper rate.
    • A must stop and shop is the CLE Clothing Store on the north end of East 4th. I'm hoping most everyone has heard of them before or maybe even have a shirt or 2 of theirs. I'm hoping to get Cleveland Skyline socks for Christmas from there. Anyway, it's a great walk through even if you're short on cash but you can't help but end up getting something even if it's just a cool bumper sticker.
    • I'll put this note here at the beginning: I recommend putting in reservations to any East 4th restaurants. I haven't been to all of the restaurants on East 4th but there is one I'm kinda sweet on. The Greenhouse Tavern is Chef Jonathon Sawyer's flagship restaurant (I know, another Sawyer restaurant but he is awesome!) with a menu that may take a few minutes to get used to. Don't be scared of the 1/2 a pigs head or the liberal use of the word "FRITES". I'll give you a hint... everything here is delicious! I usually get the crispy chicken wings but if this is an early date night, you may want to try anything else since they're heavy on garlic, scallions, and jalapenos. They're out of this world but unless she gets them too... or is planning on getting black out drunk... you may want to stay away. Seriously, you'll be sweating these out the next day but they're worth it! If it's you and your buddies, go nuts! Maybe even look into getting the half a pigs head for the table. I saw a family with little kids eating it recently so don't be a pussy! Also, don't get dessert just yet. I'll tell you why later.
    • Next, get tickets to a show at Hilarities (also ahead of time). It's Cleveland's best comedy club and most weekends you'll get to see one of the country's top comedians. Headliner showtimes are usually at 7:30 pm or 9:30/10 pm Friday and Saturday with a possible Thursday show and/or Sunday show thrown in. You can check out their calendar here. Also, sign up for the free tickets. I've won multiple time.
    • I didn't do this on our date but I have added it to this night out plan. After the show is over head to the north end of East 4th to the Chocolate Martini Bar. I know, it sounds a bit foo foo but get over it and enjoy yourself. For the ladies, chocolate martinis with chocolate rims. Ya let that sink in. For the men, alcoholic hot chocolate. I'm glad I put this at the end since you may all be in la-la land right now. 1 or 2 of these make a great dessert and keeps the old buzz going.
  • Last stop: The Horseshoe Casino
    • It's a short walk down Euclid to Cleveland's beautiful casino housed in the old Higbee's department store building on Public Square. If it's winter time, you'll get a chance to enjoy Public Square's Christmas decoration and the old Higbee's holiday window decorations outside the casino. If it's summer, enjoy the views of Public Square with all of it's squareness and head on in. Put $20 in a machine or on a table and try to win big! There are 2 great bar areas on the 2nd floor to chill out in and the drink prices are pretty reasonable for being in a casino. If you're just looking, it's decorated beautifully and has a lot of shiny things to look at.
  • Too drunk to drive home? (We took the train but you may not be able to)
    • The Hyatt Regency is located in the Cleveland Arcade if you want to stay in a truly unique hotel. 
    • If you want to stay at something shiny, go to the Westin and enjoy it's $70 million restoration. 
    • If you won the jackpot at the casino, head to the Metropolitan at the 9 Hotel. It is luxurious to beat all luxurious.
Whelp, there's my itinerary for the out-of-towner who wants to experience Cleveland but may not want to deal with the scary parts. I don't blame you for wanting to avoid them either. It's not everyone's cup of tea although I like all the parts of this city so I'm kind of a "Facts of Life" urbanite. "You take the good. You take the bad. Yadda yadda... Cleveland."

There are certainly way more things to do in our fair city like see a play at Playhouse Square, go to the museums of University Circle, shop at the West Side Market, see a show at the Beachland Ballroom, eat at Happy Dog... but those I'll save for another day and another itinerary. See, with only so many hours in a day, you could string together a nice little vacation in the comeback city and still feel safe. Have a good weekend Cleveland. I love ya and never forget... somewhere a Jonathon Sawyer restaurant is making delicious food just for you. Peace out, cub scout!




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Saturday, August 9, 2014

Eat, Drink, & Be Merry in CLE

It was finally a "fun in the CLE" type of weekend last weekend! There were plans galore and they all took place in my city. We hit up some old favorites, some new trendy spots, and... bought a mattress. The best part about it was that we were able to experience it with friends and family. We love big plans and groups but we don't often get a chance to indulge in either. This weekend was a welcome exception.

Friday

Friday started with us hitting up the brand new extended patio at Barrio in Tremont with our friends Eli and Alexa. Barrio has a great outdoor fireplace and a fun little vibe to it. Unfortunately we couldn't take advantage of their great happy hour since it was packed but the tacos and margaritas are tasty at any price. Not much more I can say about the place that I haven't raved about before other than it's that much more fun to have great friends to enjoy it all with.
James Bond and Kevin Nash pose for a celebrity pic.


After we finished it was off to Hilarities on East 4th Street to see one of my favorite comedians, Jim Breuer! I've listened to him for years on the Opie and Anthony show and this was the 1st time I've seen him live. I can't lie... he did not disappoint! I'm pretty sure he told 3 or 4 stories but they were elaborate, animated, and hilarious. His impressions whether it be James Hetfield, his family members, or a pride of lions were over the top and comically accurate. It really was a laugh riot from the get go. Go to Netflix and check out his specials! You will not be disappointed.

Afterwards we couldn't pass up an opportunity to snap a pic
with the beautiful streetscape of East 4th as our backdrop.

Saturday

We finally bought a mattress! Poor Gina and I  have started walking like shrimp-back old fogies so we decided to bite the bullet and get ourselves a memory foam mattress. As I write this, we've been sleeping on it for a week and it's... much much different. We equate it to sleeping on a comfy slab of concrete but our backs are feeling much better.

We went right from the mattress place to TownHall in Ohio City to meet our friends Matt and Christine to catch up and grab a few (liberal term) drinks. They also have a great patio and beer list a mile long. Oh and if you haven't heard me rave about their bacon wrapped dates... is this your first time reading my blog? Christine and Gina decide to split a bottle of wine so the rest this blog may be filling in the cloudy blanks on the rest of the night.

From there we headed to Platform Brewhouse in SoLo (South of Lorian). This is a relatively new brewery so it was great to go check it out. The area it's in is kinda bare of businesses so the hope is that it becomes popular and attracts more investment. The idea behind the place is interesting as well. It's a brewery incubator which means they not only brew their own beer but it acts as a place for new brewers to come and try their hand at brewing. The beer that is brewed their is also sold there so you get to see how your recipes are received by the public. From there the new brewers can spin off and move to their own breweries. Although I don't know the details, there's usually some low cost rental, use, and possibly some financial investment, if the business plan of the new brewers is solid. I love the idea of business incubators! It gives newbies a chance to get up and running with minimal risk and lots of helpful resources. Good for business and good for Cleveland.

When you walk in there's a bowling machine and then a large bar and a lot of space. Gina and I got a flight of beers and went to chill out on their patio area. It was great to catch up with my former Parma Hospital running buddy and life coach, Christine. When it comes to being a great listener and cheerleader, she takes the cake. I can truly say that I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. I'm so proud of her and her boyfriend Matt. Their son is the cutest little man you'll ever see. They are also a huge part of Forest City Brewery which is currently in the planning phase and will call the Duck Island neighborhood of Cleveland home. I'm so excited for this and can't wait for them to clear up all of the financing and open!


We ended up the night at the most talk about bar in Cleveland lately, the Porco Lounge and Tiki Room. I know what you're saying... aren't there 50 or so tiki lounges in Cleveland? I mean our beautiful weather lends itself to Hawaiian shirts and coconut drinks right?!? That's what makes this place so awesome! It's unique and beautifully out of place. It's like it was picked up off the beach of a vacation island and plopped right on West 25th street. Be prepared when you go because the drink menu will blow your mind. It's stuffed full of delicious tropical rum drinks with the best names in the industry. The ambiance of the inside is dark but colorful. The decor is what you'd expect from a tiki bar but is so refreshing that you forget that the skys are grey here 85% of the year. The back patio is nice and the combination of a sunny afternoon and a fruity rum drink on your lips conjure up the comfortable sounds of waves breaking and seagulls squawking.

Great nights out are only as great as the company you get to hang with.
This was one of those nights where we got to enjoy every second because of these guys! 

Sunday

Yes we were hungover... but we were still ready to rock and roll! Gina's cousin Kerry joined us for Sunday brunch at Press Wine Bar to end our whirlwind weekend. We love hanging with Kerry as she slowly falls in love with Tremont. No better way to show off the neighborhood a bit like a Press brunch and their delicious and creative menu. There's nothing better on a non football Sunday than a great brunch conversation and Kerry never disappoints. The drinks were great and the weather was beautifully comfortable. The food was good but I think they kinda forgot about us. It did take a bit to come out and was a tad cold but we didn't mind too much. It just gave us more time to shoot the shit. I don't hold it against them and will certainly be back.



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Restaurants and Bars in Cleveland
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