What HAVEN'T we been up to?!?

So it's been about a month since my last post so I'll catch you up on what the hell we've been up to...

Orchid Mania at the Cleveland Botanical Garden - Gina and I love the Botanical Garden! We also love Groupons and when we got one to Orchid Mania, we decided to grab it quickly and go. Orchids are beautiful but are also super weird looking. Some have pouch leaves. Some look like the Atlanta Hawks old swooping hawk logo. You can dye the petals to make them turn beautiful colors. They really do hold their own as the focus flower of this wonderful event and you can't beat the Botanical Garden as a venue.

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Happy Birthday! - One day I will get to eat the roasted pigs head at the Greenhouse Tavern but unfortunately this birthday wasn't that day...because no one could come to my birthday party. See Gina is good at inviting people and getting together a group for an outing and I still think all my friends are single and childless. F#cking adults... That didn't stop us from dwindling our reservations down from 10 to 2 and going for my favorite dinner that can only be described as a marathon of garlic >> Crispy Chicken Wings Confit! Oh and of course I get them with animal style frites. The wings are citrus, spicy, and super garlicky but they fall off the bone as you try to dig them out of a bowl filled with garlic cloves. This is not a "date" meal. This is a "she's accidentally left a turd in the toilet and I saw it" meal. You'll sweat garlic for days. Your breath will be awesomely garlicky. Your "stuff" may just take on the taste...think along the lines of pineapple. With all that being said...it's totally worth it. One day I will try something else on the menu because I've heard the guy's a good cook or something (winky face) but for my birthday, this was my gift to me.

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Postsecret the Show at Playhouse Square - Before I went to this show I had no idea what Postsecret was. The name does not lend itself to what it's about like say "The Vagina Monologues". Gina knew all about it and so she bought the tickets. I was just happy to go to Playhouse Square. I'm a simple idiot. I won't give it all away because I think it was very powerful to go in with a blank slate but what I will say is that you will cry your god-damned eyes out and then...without warning you burst into laughter...shortly after that you sink deep into thought. This thing is an emotional roller coaster and not like crappy movies when they say they are and then you get a sorry breakup/reconcile story that no one cares about. This is the real deal and the crazy thing is...none of it is fake. These are real secrets that people wrote down and sent into their website. It's sad to hear people's inner thoughts when they are battling depression or loss or envy or fear...but on the other hand it is kinda refreshing to hear someone confess something that you've been holding inside and have been to afraid to face. This in my opinion is a must experience for everyone. You won't leave the same person you were when you walked in.

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This was me for a few days...Ahem...I mean "Thisa waza me fora few dayz!"

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St. Patrick's Day - So since Gina is Irish and my sister Emily wants to be Irish we all got together and celebrated St. Patrick's Day! In true Irish fashion Gina yelled at the wait staff at the Flat Iron Cafe because they wouldn't serve her Irish Car Bombs at 6:30 am because "this city is stupid and laws are for assholes". My sister took a picture of a woman with the biggest boobs on the planet. I didn't get as hammered as I wanted to but did get to go to Moriarty's on East 6th for a shot of Jameson's. Then the parade happened! It was a lot of fun and I didn't take a lot of pics this year because...well it's a parade and those things don't change too much so if you want to see pics go back a year and look at that post. So anywho, Emily left after awhile and Gina and I took a nap before we did something else and went to bed...Oh we ate corned beef!...and then went to bed. Man we're old!

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Castaway Bay - We went to Castaway Bay because Gina is a 12 year old girl at heart...plus Emily and my nephew Jeremy were there to celebrate his good grades or negative drug test or a promotion or whatever kids do well now a days. I admit that I wasn't expecting to have a lot of fun being a 240 lbs 36 year old. I thought it was going to be full of trashy parents in inappropriate and revealing swimwear drinking and not at all watching their kids who are all stuck by their ankles up-side-down in a rope net somewhere being slowly dripped on Chinese water torture style....oh and the water is like 82% pee. I was surprised though because I did have fun! Lots of fun actually. The rest of that stuff was true too but it was all part of the experience so I was good to go. We played in the arcade. We chilled in the indoor/outdoor hot tub. We climbed the jungle gym of water. We rode a water propelled roller coaster! It was a damn good time and I'm glad Em and J invited us.

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Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Private Tour - Thanks to Eli and Alexa Kazimir for inviting us to tag along on their private tour of the Rock Hall! Our tour guide (who's name escapes me at the moment) was super entertaining and informative. We got to see a lot of behind the scenes areas, offices, and got some great background info on even some of the most overlooked exhibits! If you have an opportunity to take a tour, even if you've recently went to the Rock Hall on your own, I highly recommend you go! It was quite an experience and gives you a whole new appreciation of rock. Plus there's going to be a new restaurant out on the pier soon so you can make it a nice and easy, walkable, date night! Get back to your rock roots and head bang your blues away.

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Well that's it for now. I think we're all caught up except for Dyngus Day but I'll save that for another post. The Avenue at Tower City was sold to Dan Gilbert. Will he listen to me and add residential to Tower City finally??? We'll have to wait and see. Summer is coming urban explorers and that means festivals are just around the corner! A city is there for all to enjoy.

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CLE Itinerary 1

This is not going to be a long post because, basically, readership has been way down on the old blog so I'm going to keep it simple and not fret too much about it. This one is just going to give you a list of places I like to take people when they come up or recommend to people who are going to spend the day downtown. Now since people who come up mainly are coming from the Stark county area, I have to keep the experience safe and shiny. I can't take people to Johnny's Bar on Fulton or recommend the newly renovated League Park for the first time they come up.. I mean they'd have a heart attack and die the second we drove through the neighborhoods to get there. Let's just say that this is like a Time Square tour of downtown Cleveland.

CLE Itinerary 1 - Inspired by "Gina and I's 1st big downtown date":

• When: Any time of the year. Both snow and sun have their perks with this one.
• 1st stop: Lunch at Noodlecat
• Even though I didn't take her here on this particular date, it was part of another date. This is one of my favorite places to get a good easy meal downtown. In this Jonathon Sawyer Japanese-American mash up, think ramen noodle soup on steroids and delicious finger sandwiches. Intrigued aren't you??? They take great food and mix it in with your favorite $.38 college breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Order a beer with your meal and it's like you're right back in your dirty $1200 a month apartment that you share with 7 other people and pay for with your parent's money. Don't get me wrong though, the quality of the food is top notch and the taste is even better. Check out the lunch menu here.
• 2nd stop: The Rock and Roll Hal of Fame
• Most of you haven't been here since it opened in 1995 but it's an awesome experience and a great place to get lost for a few hours. The cost to get in is fairly reasonable and the gift shop has some awesome stuff. It's hard to describe the experience but as a fan of rock and roll music, it's a much needed reminder of what real music sounds like and where it came from. You'll be jamming to WMMS for the rest of the week after you leave.
• 3rd stop: GE Chandelier
• This wasn't up when Gina and I went on the date that inspired this list but it's a great addition to the list! Stop and see the largest outdoor chandelier in the universe! The GE Chandelier is located above the intersection of Euclid and E 14th St in beautiful Playhouse Square. The lights are bright and twinkling in this area so bring a camera and snap some selfies. It's a must see in a city that's more known for it's grit than it's glitz.
• 4th stop: East 4th Street
• Cleveland's hip entertainment district has a ton of choices for places to get a great meal and a drink. If you go in the summer, you can sit on one of their many outdoor patios spaces and have a great meal and even better people watching. If you go during the winter, start at the south end, work your way north, and end up in the beautiful Cleveland Arcade. Their Christmas decorations are amazing so allow some extra time for pictures. It's a beautiful building inside no matter what the season. Don't valet park or park in the casino garage! Park in one of the many surface lots for a much cheaper rate.
• A must stop and shop is the CLE Clothing Store on the north end of East 4th. I'm hoping most everyone has heard of them before or maybe even have a shirt or 2 of theirs. I'm hoping to get Cleveland Skyline socks for Christmas from there. Anyway, it's a great walk through even if you're short on cash but you can't help but end up getting something even if it's just a cool bumper sticker.
• I'll put this note here at the beginning: I recommend putting in reservations to any East 4th restaurants. I haven't been to all of the restaurants on East 4th but there is one I'm kinda sweet on. The Greenhouse Tavern is Chef Jonathon Sawyer's flagship restaurant (I know, another Sawyer restaurant but he is awesome!) with a menu that may take a few minutes to get used to. Don't be scared of the 1/2 a pigs head or the liberal use of the word "FRITES". I'll give you a hint... everything here is delicious! I usually get the crispy chicken wings but if this is an early date night, you may want to try anything else since they're heavy on garlic, scallions, and jalapenos. They're out of this world but unless she gets them too... or is planning on getting black out drunk... you may want to stay away. Seriously, you'll be sweating these out the next day but they're worth it! If it's you and your buddies, go nuts! Maybe even look into getting the half a pigs head for the table. I saw a family with little kids eating it recently so don't be a pussy! Also, don't get dessert just yet. I'll tell you why later.
• Next, get tickets to a show at Hilarities (also ahead of time). It's Cleveland's best comedy club and most weekends you'll get to see one of the country's top comedians. Headliner showtimes are usually at 7:30 pm or 9:30/10 pm Friday and Saturday with a possible Thursday show and/or Sunday show thrown in. You can check out their calendar here. Also, sign up for the free tickets. I've won multiple time.
• I didn't do this on our date but I have added it to this night out plan. After the show is over head to the north end of East 4th to the Chocolate Martini Bar. I know, it sounds a bit foo foo but get over it and enjoy yourself. For the ladies, chocolate martinis with chocolate rims. Ya let that sink in. For the men, alcoholic hot chocolate. I'm glad I put this at the end since you may all be in la-la land right now. 1 or 2 of these make a great dessert and keeps the old buzz going.
• Last stop: The Horseshoe Casino
• It's a short walk down Euclid to Cleveland's beautiful casino housed in the old Higbee's department store building on Public Square. If it's winter time, you'll get a chance to enjoy Public Square's Christmas decoration and the old Higbee's holiday window decorations outside the casino. If it's summer, enjoy the views of Public Square with all of it's squareness and head on in. Put $20 in a machine or on a table and try to win big! There are 2 great bar areas on the 2nd floor to chill out in and the drink prices are pretty reasonable for being in a casino. If you're just looking, it's decorated beautifully and has a lot of shiny things to look at.
• Too drunk to drive home? (We took the train but you may not be able to): 
• The Hyatt Regency is located in the Cleveland Arcade if you want to stay in a truly unique hotel. 
• If you want to stay at something shiny, go to the Westin and enjoy it's $70 million restoration. 
• If you won the jackpot at the casino, head to the Metropolitan at the 9 Hotel. It is luxurious to beat all luxurious.

Whelp, there's my itinerary for the out-of-towner who wants to experience Cleveland but may not want to deal with the scary parts. I don't blame you for wanting to avoid them either. It's not everyone's cup of tea although I like all the parts of this city so I'm kind of a "Facts of Life" urbanite. "You take the good. You take the bad. Yadda yadda... Cleveland."

There are certainly way more things to do in our fair city like see a play at Playhouse Square, go to the museums of University Circle, shop at the West Side Market, see a show at the Beachland Ballroom, eat at Happy Dog... but those I'll save for another day and another itinerary. See, with only so many hours in a day, you could string together a nice little vacation in the comeback city and still feel safe. Have a good weekend Cleveland. I love ya and never forget... somewhere a Jonathon Sawyer restaurant is making delicious food just for you. Peace out, cub scout!

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Let me know if you'd consider 
following this itinerary
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